Where's Our Mentors?

Hey, guys. Again, I hope you all enjoyed your thanksgiving. I definitely enjoyed it being my girlfriend and I (actually it was just her, I was there though) made pumpkin spice cake (my mother's recipe).

As I alluded to, I've already hinted at today's topic (I'll just STFU on that because the title tells you even more). Yeah, I want to speak on the mentors for us young black writers/creatives or the lack thereof. Anybody know where they are? Better yet, can anybody name one? As far as I'm concerned, there aren't any. I know there's some that say they are, but they just appear as posers to me. Just like those peers of ours that say they do it for the "culture", but... *side eye emoji. *

As far as those posers, they incite me the most, it's a damn shame. I mean, the black renaissance going on in the film and television industry speaks very loudly. All these films being made for people of color (60 biopics coming out in 2018, guys) and yet there seems to be little opportunity for us. As I stated in my Blavity article, it's the prominent black creatives in the film and television industry that'er getting all these opportunities. Then, the opportunities branched to the known black creatives are expanded to people they know (I've done the research so I know that's how it's done, plus some have said it). While that sounds like the right way to go about it, this is what leaves us in the dark. We're blocked out in so many ways, it's ridiculous. And I'm still trying to figure out why it's the same shit with our own people as well. Like, would someone explain this? I can't go back in time and be in Ava Duvernay's (I'm just good with a meeting, and a wishful one collaboration) circle, John Singleton's circle (I don't know I'd want to be), Spike Lee's circle (him either, lol), you get it. Why do we not matter, guys?

I hear this talk about "making our own inclusion," but why is the future being left out? Sounds silly, doesn't it? I've been in contact with a few of these people in the industry (the ones that answer their emails anyway) and have persistently knocked on the door as professionally as I could, but the door does not open. Some might look through the peep hole, crack open the door and utter a passive answer (more like, "Oh I don't know how I could help," or "I'm so swamped"), but that's about as a good as it's gotten. Then, these same people have the audacity to go on these platforms (social media, film festivals, ect) and speak on the "lack of diversity in the industry," or "what you need to do to break-in the industry." There are people of color in this industry that're gate keepers to all the latter, but everyone is "too busy" packing on projects for themselves, trying to get as much out of it as they possibly can. It’s like those greedy-desperate people in those apocalypse movies that take everything and keep it to themselves, while the others (us, essentially), pick over what's been devoured and dried up, or suffer and die. I don't know about you, but that does not sound like progress to me. You can't even give the "very competitive industry" excuse because everybody is not able to compete.

And to cap all this off, these so called "mentors" and prominent figures are turning out to be sexual predators. The people we look up to, seek advice from, aspire to be are taking advantage of young up and coming creatives like us. Young up and coming creatives who're just vying for an opportunity, but don't even realize that they've served themselves on a platter for someone else's pleasure in return. I was just wondering the other day, "Is that what it takes for someone like me to have a fair consideration?" No, I'm not going to do that, but isn't it sad that I considered this shit a thought? It's fucking despicable. This is how the mind of the young black man (or woman) gets institutionalized, if we allow it.

I admitted to my girlfriend today in tears, I am so tired of emailing people about writing jobs, I'm tired of sending query letters regarding my screenplay and not being considered because my name is unknown (it's fucking stupid), I'm tired of taking the time to get in touch with people that could be helpful to me and then just leave me in the cold with no response. I am so tired of enduring this. It just so happens the gift that makes me stand out, that I excel in, that allows me to be all of myself is what's tearing away at my heart and soul. I love this so much and have worked so hard to reach this point, yet I remain in the same place with the same results. I've done everything that I know to do, everything. And to emphasize that, I was literally planning to do a Go-fund me campaign to spread awareness of my situation and to hopefully help me find work in my field and for others. It fell apart though because I had to leave a donation amount, but I didn't want any money. I just wanted peoples support, I just wanted my voice to be acknowledged, I just wanted the opportunity to be fairly considered, that's it. There are times where that dark place clouds my mind and I think about leaving a letter of love and jumping off a bridge and into the ocean (I'm most happy in water). I'd feel so persuaded to let it all go and just sink to the bottom without anyone knowing where I am. But, then I'd throw away all that I worked for, all that I aspire to be as a writer, the person I've found at an early age that I want to be with for the rest of my life. And that's why I won't jump off that bridge, why that will not be the writing left by me. I'll push on within this writing journey, because it's in me to be this screenwriter, it's in me to impact people's lives with my writing, and it's in me to be that mentor for others. I may not have much power or that much of a platform, but best believe It will be had in time. I will be the mentor that I want to see, the mentor that will groom young black writers/creatives and gives them the guidance that we're so deprived of in this field. I will be the mentor that acknowledges everyone equally, I won't make anyone feel beneath me, I'd want those peers raised above me if anything. I'll be the authentic mentor that represents every statement I'd make and I hope every subscriber on here is a part of the future that we can be together.

I know that last part got heavy, I had one of my days. My emotions get fragile sometimes and the cuts of this journey cut deep on me, over the scars of my very fragile past. But, the darker days are behind me, I assure you. I have a better foundation within myself and around me. I'm glad I was able to share this on a platform, I used to bare these emotions by myself in my room because I felt like nobody cared. Writing has helped me bring more to the surface. "enough of this sentimental shit." I'll catch you guys next Sunday.